Give me Novacaine

The next morning I woke to the sound of someone pounding on the door to my home away from home. My head throbbed and ached from the sound. I swung my feet over the edge of the bed. Carefully getting to my feet, I made my way across the wooden floor to the carved red wood door.
I flung the door open and glared at the intruder. It was Brother Gregen. His eyes set firmly in his thick skull. They pierced my soul with a chilling coolness of a murderer. He grunted before speaking to me. “I came to see it you were awake, Milord. It is time for more training.” He made a sweeping bow like motion that meant I should leave the house as I was to go and train again.
I looked down at what I was wearing. No shirt, no pants. Only boxers and socks. I shook my head and turned back into the house. Gregen reached out and gripped my arm. He yanked me back to the front door to face him for a second time.
I glared at him wishing that St. Jimmy had the power to strangle people with his mind, like Darth Vader. No luck. Gregen stood, breathing in my face. Hot, stinky breath that filled my lungs and made me gag. He let me down to stand on my own in the door way. “What?” I snapped once I was breathing fresh, clean air once more.
“You must come train with us, Milord. We require your assistance.” He gave me another hard look that could have been him trying to plead with me. I didn’t care. I knew the songs just fine. Besides, I would be leaving them soon to fight Whatsername by myself. They didn’t need to learn these songs. All I wanted to do was lie in bed and worry about my friends and family and the girl of my dreams.
“You don’t need me. You’re fine on your own. I need some time….to you know, just be alone and….I don’t know, think bout all this. You understand?” I shuffled my feet over the rug and looked back up into his face. It had softened and looked sad. He nodded and left me alone.
No one came to bother me the rest of the day. I sat on the bed, curtains drawn close, and stared at the clock on the wall. I’d give this place one more day. After that, I would leave. I would take on Whatsername alone. I had already hurt so many people. I didn’t want to risk others lives. No, I had to do this on my own.

Time seems to go by so slowly when you’re watching the clock. You start to feel like time isn’t moving at all and it’s just a trick of the light playing off the clocks glossy cover. I watched the minutes become nothing but faded memories of the lost time. Tick, tick, tick. It seemed to go on forever. Unceasing. At some point, the ticking became my heart beat. Thump, thump, thump. Blood rushed about my body, keeping me alive. Alive. I was still alive while everyone I ever cared about was lying dead somewhere. And I was still alive.
My head buzzed with this new realization. I was alive. I had always been alive, but this time it meant something. How could I live while they suffered and died? What kind of person could?
I couldn’t live. I had to die. Right then and there. Anything, I needed something to kill myself with. A knife, a rope, rat poison, something! I raced about the small house, opening cabinets and flinging the contents to the floor.
I stood before the last cabinet. My hands trembled as it creaked open. The sound echoed thru the whole house. An eerie, ghost of a sound that chilled me to the bone. Inside was a loaf of bread, cheese, and a box of crackers. I turned all of my attention to the bread. Sticking out of the middle of the loaf of bread was a knife. The rotting wooden handle jutted out at an angle.
I reached in and slid the knife carefully out. I held it out before me, inspecting the blade. The silver metal glittered in the late day sun that poured in thru an opening in the curtains. I saw my own eyes reflected back in the shinny metal as it winked at me. I held my breath and posed the tip of the knife on my heart.
Tick, thump, tick, thump, tick…… I waited. But my hands remained glued in midair. They refused to move even an inch. My heart wanted nothing more than to die. But my head knew I shouldn’t. If I died now, what would happen to my world and the Land of MakeBelieve? Would Whatsername kill everyone? I couldn’t let more people down, could I? I was St. Jimmy, the Jesus of Suburbia. I would stop Whatsername. I would live, no matter what.